Hello everyone. I've recently been thinking about my music as a whole, what it means to me. The purpose my music held to me was so I could escape reality, to wander in a forgotten world. To create something from nothing. To be able to dela with my emotions and to let it seep through my music. I always composed for myself. There was no notion of standards or what I could do with it. I sort of just let flow whatever it is came to mind. There was no end goal, nor did I ever have the confidence to sell my music until recently. I never thought I was any good. As one says you are your own worst critic. I stumbled and fell, had months where I did not compose anything. It grew to a point where I was composing something of such detail and quality that I knew I had to get it right, the intricate details, the orchestration. It had to sound right. I was never satisfied with what I composed. There was always something add and I always went back to previous compositions and kept improving them. But as an artist there is a breaking point, where you have to leave a piece behind. There is nothing else that you can do. Rather move on than be stuck in the same head space. Over the years I realize I haven't composed that much music. Because I never really did it for one single purpose. It was something personal, Something for myself, something that I could call home. Recently it began to mold into something commercial. I was trying to offer commissions. Custom soundtracks that catered to a persons details. It was hard getting started, you had to be specific, the mood, the instruments, the feeling. It all had to align with a commissioners vision. And that was something that I always had difficulty with. Having always composed from within. It had to be external, yet it still had to be my own but at the same time cater to what the commissioner wanted. And if there was something wrong with the final product I felt horrible. It was a daunting experience. Part of the reason why I lost all creative spark with my work. It just didn't feel right. That artistic liberty was gone. I think we all as artists have to face this at some point. That if you want to make your music commercially viable you have to lose a part of something in order to gain something else. The ability to create something for someone else while maintening your style and spark in it. To work creatively, but to also work professionally. It is a transition not everyone can get easily adjusted to, and I feel like I am one of those people. I am taking a break from music for now. But I will be back when I readjust myself and see what music truly means for me, and hopefully reignite that spark that I once had that many years ago. Discovering a whole new world.
In the mean time I have made all of my music available for free for you to listen to, downloaded, whatever it is you want. It is all available here on my website. I hope people enjoy for what there is on there.